Blogging for bloggings sake

Well, obviously the idea of me doing  a blog entry every day has fallen by the wayside. Hell, some days, the idea of me being awake every day has fallen by the wayside, but I degress. I'm going to attempt to do these more often. Not as a mental exercise or anything. I'm just lazy. The more often I blog, the less I have to type in one sitting. 

Brief update on how I've been doing: Still trying desprately to watch my diet. Some days I am more successful than others. This is no surprise, really. What is a bit surprising for me is that I am still doing my DDPYoga exercises almost every day. Not every day, but more than the recommended 3x a week. In my case it's usually closer to 5 times per week. Very few two-a-days though, I just don't have that kind of energy. Yet.

Healthwise.... Good Lord, where to start. I've been alarmingly close to death like 4 or 5 times since my last entry. Several overnight hospital stays. Several instances of emergency dialysis. It's been a mess. But, it looks like we've finally nailed down the root problem. It turns outr my own stupidity was killing me. See I have been dieting a working out, but not losing any weight, but since I wasn't dieting and exercising FOR weight-loss, I didn't pay any attention to it. As it turns out, the weight was indeed coming off, but being immediately replaced by excess water. But at weigh in time before dialysis, weight is just weight and, fat or water, it all weighs the same so no one, including myself, noticed... At least, not until said water started building up in my lungs and around my heart.

Long story short, we have it under control now, nominally. I'm having my dry-weight challenged every time I go to dialysis until I start cramping severely again. At that point, I'll know I've hit my actual dry-weigh. Current projections are 185 pounds. Or 84 kilos. I have seriously never weighed so little in my life. It's a little scary, but knowing what I know now, the Standard American Diet (tm) is WAY scarier. Plus, now that a lot of my inflammation is coming down, I hurt less. I dont want to go back.

I'd like to take a moment here to offer a sincere apology to my friends. If you're reading this, you know who you are. The health issues and such have turned me into even more of a hermit than I was. I'll try to do better about keeping in touch. I may even start visiting, wherever I'm still welcome. *insert standard issue cheesey grin here.*

On the home front, with the exception of my health issues and my wife falling apart at the seams, things have been pretty calm. She works too damn much and isn't recovering properly, as  most of us dont at our age. I just wish I could find some way to help other than robbing a bank or committing fraud on a massive scale.

This is Tamera's senior year... and easily the strangest school year I've ever seen in my life. I haven't been called into the office so far, but alas, the year is young and I know my daughter. Shoes are expected to start dropping away moment now. 

So that's my update. I'll report in again soon... maybe even with something to report. Oh, and check out the song I posted with this entry. Really got my blood pumping. (Only viewable in the web version, so click the link.) Until next time.

Once More with Feeling...

So, I fell off the DDPY Wagon a few weeks ago. I had gotten a cellulitis infection in my left foot which kept me from putting too much weight on it at a time... and I needed a bullshit excuse to fucking off anyway. So, today was my first day back on a regular schedule. It's amazing how much you forget in 3 weeks. I did Energy 2.0, which I've done a dozen time... and still that standing split caught me off guard. I did it though. Had to modify during the supported lunge, but I've always had to do that. I'm just not there yet, and the 3 weeks off decidedly did not help matters.

I'm more than a little ashamed of myself for the falling out of practice (And the shitty diet, but I'll get to that.) But, hey... falls are expected to happen. Hence the name of this blog. It's all about getting back up.

I restarted my cycle today, which was a bit of a mistake as I am having major surgery on my right arm on Friday. I'm going to see about doing some seriously heavily modifidied workouts while I'm healing. HEAVILY  modified. Last thing I need is to pop a stitch on a new graft.

As far as this COVID-19 quarentine goes, I'm just going to say this, dear reader: Check on your friends prone to depression. We aren't ok. Not by a damn sight.

Mental Health Will Drive You Mad

Tonight's DDPYoga session was as weird as it was unscheduled. When I opened the app, the damn thing would not sync up with my heart monitor, despite it being brand new and working like a charm ever other time I've used it. So, after futzing with that for about 10 minutes, I said "fuck it" and did a custom workout without the monitor. It went fine. I mostly worked on my plank and lunges. I still have a lot of balance problems with my lunges. It's partially because I have fucked up feet (missing bones and suchlike) but I'm getting better. Like Arthur Boorman said in his video, "Just because I can't do it today, doesn't mean I won't be able to do it someday."

After about 12 minutes of freestyle, it occurred to me that I hadn't restarted my tablet for a bit. So I shut the custom exercise time down and restarted. And, wouldn't ya know it? Theheart monitor synced right up this time. Crap. Oh well... Fat Burner 2.0 here I come!

Not as grueling as it was yesterday, but that is still a tough ass workout for me. Lots of sweating. Lots of swearing. Lot of me yelling, "damn it Dallas! Shut the fuck up and count!" Still, a lot of fun. Thoroughly enjoyable. Felt great when I was done.

After that, it was time for a little mental maintenance. Marissa had to go to bed early. She not only works in the morning but clocks move forward an hour tonight. In fact, mine updated 11 minutes ago while I was typing this. Anyway, with her asleep there wasn't a lot I could do to tighten the mental bolts... talking to my wife has always been like that. I opted for the next best thing, which is a downloaded podcast and a drive in the dark on roads nobody uses at night.

Very cathartic... and no deer this time.

The brain desperately needed to be cleared and the files dumped. It was a dialysis day, which never helps,  and though I slept solidly though the proceedure, when I woke up, all my demons were out playing. All of my worries were making mental appearances like it was fucking roll-call. I worried about my phosphorous and potassium intakes and how I was going to get those under control. I worried about money, and the impending phone call of doom I have coming on Wednesday. I worried about the ultrasound appointment I have for my vascular access on Friday. My mind was being a parade of bad shit all the was home from dialysis. Right up until I saw my wife.

I've never known why, but no matter how bad things are, I can just look at her and listen to the sound of her voice, and it all just goes away. It's like she hits a switch in my brain that's makes it say "Oh yeah. Everything is gonna be all right because she loves me and she's mine." She is my rock. She is my home. She is my weighted blanket. She gives me comfort no matter how dark the times. My missing puzzle piece.

Eventually, my rock went to bed, and my demons woke back up. The DDPYoga helps with that. The drive helped even more. As I write this last line, j7st know that I feel better and am solidly back in the 90%

"Life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% how you react to it." -Diamond Dallas Page.

Report from the Front

It's been a while, dear readers. This is because there hasn't been much to report. My diet is slowly getting better and is about to completely stablize after tonight's "Come To Jesus, He's in the fridge" talk the wife and I had tonight. Things will get better. My wife is a great woman, and together, we are unstoppable and we're gonna own it.

Exercise-wise, again, not much to report. Beginner DDPYoga is pretty boring for the first 3 weeks. Energy 2.0 as far as the eye can see. I've only taken 2 days off in the last 3 weeks and I can really feel myself getting stronger. The workouts are getting easier and easier... well, until yesterday when I hit Fat Burner 2.0. Did NOT see that coming and it kicked my ass, but I did it. Going to do it again tonight even though it's a scheduled day off. In fact, I'm gonna go do that now. More later... I feel a mental health post coming on.

Hard-Wired... or is it Hard-Weird?

I had to brow-beat myself onto the mat tonight. It was just Energy 2.0, but It still took me 45 minutes of pacing in the fitness room and 4 or 5 Motivational Monday videos to get me there. I did eventually get there, and I did the whole workout with very little in the way of modification (except for Lunges. I still end up having to take a knee half the time.) So, at least something good and productive happened today. Other than, my day was... ugh.

For starters, I had an appointment with my foot surgeon today. The callus he too off of my left for was pretty big. About the size of a cross-section of a golf ball. So, yeah, ow. The good news here is that I got to spend some time with Marissa, which I always enjoy. The bad news came later when we went grocery shopping later...

Here's where our problem lays. My wife love me too much to really deny me anything I ask for, That's a problem when I'm grocery shopping and hungry. Our shopping cart looked like it had been filled by al 11 year old with a hundred dollar bill. It was terrible.

Result: Diet was absolute shit today. I mean, really bad. Like, "I'm Little Debbie's little bitch" kinda bad.

At least I made it onto the mat. I did my workout. It's done. There's always tomorrow to do better on the diet. I just wasn't there today. Tht doesn't mean I won't be there tomorrow. 

Oh! One really cool thing. Shout out to my buddy Justin, who I ran into today. He told me he's been reading this blog. It's nice to know I'm not just talking to myself. Thanks Brother!

And the Beat Goes On, Dum-dee-dum-da-dum

I haven't had much to blog about lately. That's kind of a good thing. I've settled into a routine with my workouts for the last few week. Days off are few and far between. One thing to kind of toot my own horn about... I've started the Beginner workouts in DDPY. That means I'm no longer in the Rebuild series. I'm still having to modify my positions a bit, especially in the lunges, but I am definitely feeling the difference in my workouts. Even Stand Split has gotten easier. I need to look for some different workouts to do. The first few weeks of Beginner are pretty monotonous ...

Energy 2.0 as far as the eye can see.

There is one good thing about that. I've done the same workout times this week, and it gets a little easier every time. I'm even adding a handful of positions at the end, just for the hell of it. My next step is to set new goals for myself.

In other news, Happy Valentine's Day! We didn't really do anything for the holiday... we're too poor. Marissa got me a little gift bag with a bunch of sugar-free candies and a couple of frappacinos. I gave her a promise to get her a weighted blanket when we get paid. Why she puts up with me, I may never know. We did get a little peace and quiet after dinner though. Tamera went with a group of her friends to see Sonic The Hedgehog... A movie I can only muster a bit of morbid curiosity about. I'm just kinda curious about Jim Carrey's performance as Dr. Robotnik.

Confessions of a Grumpy Old Yogi or Namaste The Hell Off My Lawn

Today is the last day of my most recent 13 week cycle in DDPYoga and also my last day on Rebuild. A lot of progress has been made. None of it scale-related. It's all about the strength and flexibility with me, See, I started out doing Keto a year before I started DDPY. Lost a ton of weight. Got down to pretty much what I consider to be an idea weight for me (195 lbs.) The problem was that once the weight was off, I realized I had the muscles structure of a one-year old and that needed to change.

As far as research goes, there wasn't a lot of it. I was on Youtube, and I think what I typed into the search engine was "Exercises for people in particularly shitty condition" What came up? I'll give you 3 guesses, but you're only gonna need one.



Yes, that's Arthur Boorman. The Baltimore City Special Ed teacher who's video (edited by Steve Wu) has inspired millions. If you haven't seen this video before, click it, dumby! It'll be the best 5 minutes you spend all day. Trust me.
____________________________________________________________
I've Ben at this, on and off for over a years. Never have managed to get my diet under control again, but with as many restrictions as I already had on my diet (salt, phosphates, potassium, electrolytes, etc.) I'm still working on it and I'm getting there, with a bit of help from y wife.

The biggest change I have noticed in the last year is mu attitude. DDP does the whole "Own Your Life," "Be Positively Unstoppable," "Live life at 90% thing and I have applied a lot of these philosophies to y life. The guy is a real inspiration. I don't fly off the handle the way I used to. I actually look forward to my workouts every day... but tonight in the moment of truth. I'll be doing Synergy 40 around 7:30 or 8:00pm tonight, then later, at Midnight. The 13 year changeover happens and I will, for the first time, be progressing out of the Rebuild Series and Starting Beginner Beginner.

Am I nervous? Yes, Am I scare. More than a little.

Can I do This? Yes. Fuck yes I can!

 Time to own it.

The Point of a Day Off

That's actually a question, not a title. What is the point of a day off from DDPY? I took one, finally, after a 16 day stretch. and let me tell you, I regret it. I slept for the better part of 20 hours yesterday, thanks to dialysis and Ativan.

Result?

Woke up feeling like crap. All my joints were stiff. My back hurt. I had a headache. I basically felt like I used to feel when I woke up after a bender back in my 30s.

Needless to say, I won't be doing that crap again. Also, my diet yesterday consisted of.... nothing. I never actually stopped to eat anything. I just slept.

So, today looks to be a fun one. I've got Chair Warrior with Jake the Snake schedule for later today (likely, evening) and I have a trip to make to Wentzville to pick up my son while he gets his car fixed. There is a Winter STorm Warning in effect for the area today, so hopefully that doesn't hit while I'm out on the road.

Trying new things

Tonight I did my first ever DDPY workout that was NOT lead by The Man himself. The person directing tonight's workout was Christina Russell. Background story in the video above.

Ok, so got home from dialysis today and took a short but intense nap. Work up feeling refreshed, and not just like I wanted to go back to sleep. I knew Marissa was going to be in bed before too long, so I started going over workouts I could do. I wanted to do something different.

And "Different" is exactly what I got. Christina's style and tone made me feel at ease and made the workout that much easier, even with engaging. The "At Ease" feeling stems from the fact that, well, Dallas intimidates me a bit. Ok, a lot. The guy is a badass in every sense of the word. I think the only man badder than DDP would probably be Sir Christopher Lee. (Look it up if you don't believe me.)

So, during the course of my planning my workout for this evening, I looked at my schedule for the last few weeks. I counted it up and I haven't taken a day off in 12 days. This is another turning point for me. I'm not skipping the days off because I want to prove anything. I'm not taking days off because I don't want to. I may not always feel better when I get off the mat (though, usually I do) but I have never felt worse after DDPY than I did before I started.

After doing 12.03.2019 LIVE W/ Christina, I must admit to being pretty excited to try out some of the other instructors. Don't get me wrong, I love DDP. But Christina was way nicer and easier on the eyes. I wonder what else this pile of 1000 workouts has in store for me...

Murderous Thighs

Slept too long last night/this morning, so I ended up being awake through most of dialysis. Much suckage. I kept myself entertained by cycling through 3 different audiobooks. This, in concert with the fact that I had actually taken 2 mg of ativan made my brain a little soupy. Awake, but soupy.

Marissa was napping when I got home and I resolved to nap as well, for however long I could since sleep was out of the question this morning. It ended up being a very short nap, and the wife and I killed the rest of the afternoon/evening watching the cinematic masterpiece,  Tremors 2.

Once Marissa went to bed, I had to decide what to do with the rest of my evening, so I decided to do some DDPYoga. Today was a scheduled day off, so I had carte blanche as to what set to do. I looked around a bit and found one called "Low Blow, Easy Flow" which is described as a workout that is supposed to come between Stand Strong and Beginner. Well, since that's exactly where I'm at, I decided to give it a try.

Wow... that was a lot tougher than I thought it was going to be. I feel like my legs have been beaten with a meat tenderizer that size of a bowling ball. So. Many. Squats!  About half way through the workout, my quads started talking to one another. It went a little like this.

Left Quad: Hey Buddy?
Right Quad: *grunting* what???
LQ: Open your mind real wide for a minute. What if we killed DDP?
RQ: Wouldn't do any good. This app has enough recorded workouts to last Jack the rest of his life.
LQ: Ok. Well, what if we kill Jack?
RQ: We need him. His heart supplies us.
LQ: Fuck! Well, what can we do?
RQ: SUCK IT UP, CUPCAKE!!!

I made it through. I couldn't do ALL the Catchers, but then, my legs have always been my weak spot. I cannot do it today. Tomorrow, that's another story. Given time I will own this.

Scheduling and Rescheduling

I ended up doing Synergy 40 at about 3:00am on Saturday morning since I knew I wasn't going to be worth much after dialysis. It actually didn't go to badly, though it was much more grueling than the Stand Strong workouts. I'm gettin' there.

Not much happened after dialysis on Saturday. Honestly, I spent most of it unconscious. Marissa had spent the morning out with her mother, so she wasn't looking to do anything Earthshaking either.

Which brings me to today. After taking Marissa to work at the hotel, I checked my workout schedule for the week. Today was to be another Synergy 40, but I knew from how sore I was that I simply didn't have it in me and wouldn't get much out of trying. I opted to change the schedule so that it was Fat Burner 2.0 instead. I dozed off for a bit while waiting for Tamera to get ready for church. Once she left, it was time to hit the mat.

Let me start by saying, Three Legged Dog, my ass! DDP says in the intro to this that you're gonna end up cussing at him, and damned if he wasn't right. that was brutal!

Once I finished my workout and my cool down, a gathered up Daisy and put her in the car, and we went to get Marissa from work. From there, we went to get Tamera from church and then the 4 of us went and visited my mother. Spent some time with her and Teresa and the baby. After that we headed home to find JD had come to visit. We spent the remainder of the afternoon watching Zombieland Double Tap. Good movie. I highly recommend it.

Post Holiday Grays

I have said this many many time before, and I will likely say it many more times. Wintery weather around the holidays is a wonderful thing. Any time after January 2, wintery weather just turns out to be a cold, gray bucket of suck. I miss the sun. Seasonal effective disorder is a real struggle.

Easier this year though. For one, with the regular exercise, it gets some of the positive brain chemicals and endorphins going. Having a schedule helps too. But I think the biggest thing is awareness that the depression is there. It's kinda like knowing the mugging is going to happen before hand so you can prepare for it.

Diet wasn't terrifying today. Well, except for breakfast. Breakfast was a Bacon King and onion rings from Burger king. Oh well... at least the protein was high. I'm actually pretty proud of myself tonight. I went through the drive-thru line at DQ with Marissa and Tamera and got nothing. I had wanted to get a strawberry smoothie. Not good for me, but at least it's got actual fruit. Ultimately, that plan was thwarted by the fact that DQ doesn't make them anymore. I'm proud of myself because I didn't upgrade to a shake or anything upon this discovery. I just said "Nope. Nevermind. Carry on."

They call that a Non-Scale victory. Bang.

Did Stand Strong 4 around 7:00pm tonight. Other than that, it was pretty much a lounge day after Marissa got home from work. Too cold and gray to want to do anything. No relief in sight as far as the weather goes either. Tomorrows schedule includes Synergy 40 AND dialysis, so I will probably just do the Synergy 40 in a couple of hours as I doubt I'm gonna want to do anything but sleep after dialysis tomorrow. Saturdays are always a rough session. They try to take a little extra fluid off that day because you have 2 days between sessions. (my weekend)

The Flipping of The Switch

I did a two-a-day today, sort of. It was after midnight when I did my second workout of the day, but technically, tomorrow is a day off, but Energy 2.0 has been logged as of 2:20am. Having explained that brings me to the title of this blog.

At some point today, a switch flipped in my brain. See, one of the reasons I started this blog, and really, even way back when we I signed up for DDPYoga Now™, because I needed a reason to exercise. When it was just the app, it was "Well, I'm paying for the app, I should probably do what it says," and for the most part, that kept me exercising, most of the time. Now that I have this accountability blog, and there are like 6 or so people who read it on a regular basis, first of all, I write a whole hell of a lot more, and I don't dare miss a workout for fear of embarrassment. Well, this afternoon, a couple of hours after I'd done Chair Warrior with Jake The Snake, I said to myself "Well, since I need to stay up tonight so I can sleep through dialysis, I might as well do another workout tonight.

And after I made that decision, I realized I was looking forward to it.

The switch has flipped. I'm no longer doing DDPY because I feel I have to. No one would have noticed if I didn't do Fat Burner 2.0. I did it because I enjoy being on the mat. I like exercising. It makes me feel good. Even more, it makes me feel better.

I haven't decided yet, but I may still do yet another workout in the morning before I leave for dialysis, even if it just Wake Up 2.0 or Wake Up Classic.

Decisions decisions decisions...

Update: 7:05am

I did Wake Up 2.0. Bang.

Back in a saddle again...

I woke up at about 2:00am... fully clothed including my coat and shoes. Took off the coat and shoes and went back to sleep.

At about 6:30am I woke up to the sounds of my daughter getting ready to leave for school. Again, no need to get up. Laid there until about 7:00, at which point I got up, too my meds, ate my last 4 Twizzlers. I didn't eat much of anything yesterday. I don't sleep-eat. So, 4 leftover twizzlers was technically "Breakfast."

After the Twizzlers came about an hour of cruising the web, mostly for motivational stuff. I was feeling pretty sluggish coming off of the Ativan Sleep™ and needed a mental pick-me-up (God I miss coffee). Once I found some mental "get up and go" I headed to the yoga mat.

Today's selection: Chair Warrior with Jake the Snake

I thoroughly enjoy this workout and for the most part, didn't use the chair at all. (It's mostly there for balance anyway) The only real difficult I have with that one is staying in Plank position for the full time. The count is 40, but I'd be willing to bet that it's closer to a minute.

Waiting impatiently for Marissa to get off work. Yesterday, she cut herself with a "safty knife" and had to get 3 stitches in her left thumb. She says it's pretty sore today, of which I have no doubt, but fortunately it was a clean cut so it should heal relatively quickly. She's completely off of work tomorrow, and I won't be here for most of it so she will actually get to relax for a change. Yay!

Manic Tuesday? or Dialysis: Damned if you do, Dead if you don't

Yeah, doesn't roll off the tongue as well as "Manic Monday," but the sentiment is the same.

Tuesdays are my Monday.

Not that my work week starts there, I don't have a work week in the traditional sense. A nice side effect of having been disabled for well over a decade. Tuesday is my first dialysis of the week. You see, dialysis is 3 days a week, but there are 7 days in the week. The clinic techs are all off on Sundays, so, Sunday and Monday is my "Weekend"... well, it's the only 2 days in a row I get away from the dialysis machine, or as I like to call it, the "Clockwork Vampire." (I've been calling it that for almost 4 years. It hasn't caught on.)

I figured out a while back that if I start the 13 week cycle of DDPYoga on a Sunday, it schedules my days off (non-workout days) on Tuesday, Thursday and most Saturdays. Terribly freakin' convenient for me.

Now, Monday night/Tuesday morning, I usually don't sleep, or if I do, it's minimal. This is so I can sleep through my dialysis sessions. Trust me, it's way better to sleep through the 4 hours of having your blood sucked out, scrubbed, then stuffed back into your body. It's every bit as unpleasant as it sounds, Of course, there are days when I've slept too much, or forgotten my Ativan, or for some other reason, cannot get to sleep.

Thank God for audiobooks, I've "read" Positively Unstoppable like 6 or 7 times now. Not to mention the Lord of the Ring series, the Dune series, and a shitload of Stephen King.

At any rate, It's Tuesday morning at about 6:00am. Tamera is in the shower and getting ready for school. I've already got all my crap packed for dialysis and, despite it being a scheduled day off, I've already sort of got a workout in. Just the 11 minutes of Wake Up 2.0, but a workout nonetheless.

Go me.

Poor Marissa has one of those rare days when she has to work both jobs (The hotel breakfast bar followed by the kennel) so it won't matter if I just crash and burn when I get home from dialysis today. Tamera has her tablet now and knows how to feed herself, so she doesn't need me to be awake. Sometimes it's nice that the kids are grown.

Energy 2.Owww....

Did some juggling and shuffling of this week's DDPY workout schedule. Sunday night was to be another Synergy 40, but I knew I didn't have that in me. I'd spend too much time in Safty Zone for the workout to do me any good. Well, DDP himself described Synergy 40 as a combination of Fat Burner  2.0 and Energy 2.0 So, I thought to myself "Hey! We'll do Energy. It'll be hard, but shorter than 45 minutes." Thus, I set the schedule for the week up and set about my task.

Yeah. I probably should have watched that one before I tried to do it.

In addition to the speed the instructions moved at, those Standing Splits for more than a bit of an unpleasant surprise.

I did them.

Not well, but I did them.

I ended up getting a much more intense workout than I had anticipated, and I did it in the morning, for a change, so I was pretty proud of myself. It's a shame that the app was not cooperating. It was loading slow. Hanging up. Would NOT connect to my heart-rate monitor at all, to the point where I finally said "fuck it" and did Energy 2.0 without it.

Don't be too proud of me just yet, dear reader.

Yesterday's diet was a complete and total train wreck. A China House Buffet level train wreck. I am actually more than a bit ashamed of myself for this one.

So. This morning, I was going to do my workout early again, but again, the heart-rate monitor wouldn't connect. It has power, I know that much. But I'm thinking that it's over a year old. Changing the batteries might do it some good. Marissa needs to go to Wal-mart when she gets off of work, and wants me to go with her, so I guess I will pick one up and do it the evening. It was to have been Stand Strong 4, but there's not enough upper body work in that one for my taste today, so I swaped 3 and 4 this week, with 4 coming on Wednesday now and another Synergy 40 coming later in the week.

Uncomfortable Conversations and Situations

My kidney doctor finally got ahold of me yesterday at dialysis. I knew this conversation was gonna be uncomfortable, but there was really no way to avoid it. She actually threatened to quit as my doctor if I didn't "keep trying to kill myself." Can't really blame her.

The conversation was actually pretty informative. It turns out that the blood thinners I'm on for my heart valve can kill me in a much wider variety of ways than I originally thought. Including having a stroke form hitting my head. This is information I should have had 2 years ago. This is also the excuse I need to get a Mandolorian helmet and wear it everywhere. Muhahahahaha!!!

We talked for quite a while about my diet. Turns out I need to avoid diary and wheat among other things. Those were the two bigs I didn't know about. There are a lot of other things I need to be avoiding for either the potassium levels or the phosphorus levels. This includes all processed meats, especially sausage and such. This is gonna be tough, but I can do it.

While I was at dialysis, my wife transferred funds for me so I could get my DDPYoga Now subscriptions straightened out, which I was able to do online while still plugged into the dialysis machine (THAT'S multitasking, motherfucker!) She also had lunch with her mom and took Daisy to get her claws trimmed and to the dog park. She had enough fun that she crash as soon as she got home.

I told Marissa about to conversation with the doctor and she agreed to help... then grocery shopping happened. Ugh! That was one of the ugliest Wal-mart runs I've ever been on. Very peopley, We were doing lifestyle changing grocery shopping, which is bad enough, while the rest of the town was gearing up for a set of winter storms that are supposed to hit this weekend. Go figure. At any rate, lots of meat. lots of veggies. pretty light on carbs. virtually no snack foods. To be honest, I couldn't concentrate to to groceries (Thank God for my wife) because of the crowd. It felt like half the damned town was crammed into Wal-mart at exactly that moment. This is why I usually shop at 3:00am or so. Knuckle Draggers as far as the eye could see.

Haven't made it into the kitchen yet today. 11:00am and I still haven't eaten breakfast. It's probably gonna be eggs. Tamera had her Frozen 2 cereal. Read "Frozen 2" as "defective Lucky Charms with a picture of Ilsa on the box for 2 dollars more." Our culture disgusts me sometimes. Well, most of the time. But, it's what she wanted, and with a special needs 18 year old sometimes you just have to pick your battles. There's no actually plan for today, foodwise or otherwise. but I do have a workout planned. It's Stand Strong 4 today. I'm actually reaching the end of this 13 week set in DDPY... almost time to progress on to the Beginner workouts. I've actually come a long way. All the way through the Rebuild series, which starts out with you working out in your bed. It's hard to believe I've been doing DDPYoga for over a years. A lot of progress has been made. My balance is way better, as well as my leg strength.. Don't get me wrong, I'm still gonna be keeping the chair handy for balance... I tip over sometimes. Plenty if stuff in the weight room to catch myself on if I start to fall, but conversely, there's plenty of stuff for me to hit my head on if I fall in the weight room. Yeah, I think I'll keep using the chair.

I looked ahead at the schedule for the next 2 weeks in DDPYoga Now. LOTS of Synergy 40s on the schedule. Looks like I'm gonna be getting the hang of this one after all, whether I want to or not.

The Story of my life? Interruptions.

This post best read while listening to this:



Here's what happened this time. I'm healing up, plugging along. keeping to my schedule the best I can, and suddenly, I don't have access to my exercise program. That's right, dear reader, my subscription to DDPYoga Now expired and when it pinged my account... <Insufficient Funds> 
Don't mistake me... I mean, we're poor, no two ways about it, but we aren't like starving or anything. I actually have the money for my subscription . The problem is, I have it in cash. I have to turn the paper bits into electric bits and send the electric bit to the subscription fairy.

So as far as exercises go, this one is gonna count as a miss on my schedule. I did some mild stretching and a few dynamic resistance exercises earlier, but not enough to call it an actually work out. Oh well, I'll be up for a little while yet, so there's still time.

Diet today wasn't great, but not terrifying either. Plenty of protein. a few more carbs than I probably should have had. Definitely too much sugar. I have no idea why I keep doing this to myself, but I just can't seem to help it. I'll have to do some research online.... there's bound to be a support group for impulse snacking, or something.

The Reset Button

Sunday was a mental reset day. I true day off. No exercises. No blog entry. No food. Nothing to drink but water. I actually removed a workout from the schedule to give myself this day off after the debacle I had with Synergy 40. What did I do all day? I binge-watched Star Wars Rebels. It was truly a good mental health day. Good for the soul.

Monday, on the other hand... Not bad either, actually. Diet was pretty balanced. Not to much of anything. Carbs weren't as low as I would have liked, but still not terrible. The day itself required a certain amount of adulting. Making Dr's appointments and suchlike. Also, Daisy had her second obedience class today. Go figure, my puppy is the bad kid in the class. She was absolutely all over the place. When we got home, my Star Wars Rebels binge continued until about an hour after Marissa went to bed at which time it was Exercise time.

As far as the DDPYoga session tonight went, it wasn't bad. I did the scheduled Stand Strong 3 workout, which was actually pretty easy compared to the Synergy 40. My right knee is still a bit sore from the fall, as is my left wrist, but still, I'm doing way better than I have any right to expect considering how hard I fell. And really, thank God for these exercises. My back feels fantastic.

Time to wind down and relax a bit. Tomorrow is a dialysis day and my first meeting with my nephrologist since I collapsed last week. This is not going to be a pleasant conversation.

Synergy... 29 or so?

Synergy 40. That's what I was facing down on the schedule today. First time doing it. It's also the first workout I've run into on the schedule that didn't have the chair as part of the workout, so I knew it was gonna be tough.

Rewinding a bit. I had dialysis this morning and slept until almost 7:00pm when I got home. What can I say? The Saturday sessions wipe me out. They always have. Marissa went to be shortly after I got up as she has to be at work at 5:30 in the morning. I hate that I can't work. I hate no being able to support my family. I hate being sick. I hate being disabled. Rant over,
I made me dinner/breakfast a little while after Marissa went to bed.  Cheese Omelette, bacon, some popcorn chicken, and a handful of potato chips. Don't groan. I've eaten worse this week.Anyway, I sat down with my dinner and killed time watching Star Wars Rebels, which is a surprisingly good show despite my initial misgivings.
Eventually, I looked at the clock, and it was after 10:00pm. Time to start moving.
I gathered the items I would need for my workout, stood up to move and did a quick physical assessment:

• Muscles a little weak and sore.
• Back stiff from too much sleep.
• Knee still sore from fall.
• left wrist feels like I've pulled/twisted/ripped something in it.

... And into Synergy 40 I plunged. I won't lie here. It did not go well. My legs were screaming. I spent a lot of time in Safety Zone and completely missed a couple of sections of the workout... but I did it. And I made it to the end. It was grueling, but I made it. I guess the real test is to come...

We'll see how I'm feeling in the morning.

On the Mend

11:00am
I got home from the hospital last night. Feeling much better, though, my INR is still sub-therapeutic (1.6). Again, I feel fine, but those number's are going to make for a pretty tense conversation with the head nurse at my cardiologist's office. This is a phone call I'm going to be putting off.

I spent most of the morning convalescing... in other words, doing as little as possible. Really, the most strenuous thing I've done today is put my pants on. I have Stand Strong 4 scheduled for this evening, but that's about it.

My kitchen scares the hell out of me now. I went looking for something to eat earlier and it seems like everything we have is either high in potassium, high in phosphorous, or just plain poisonous. I need to go grocery shopping, but what to buy? These dietary restriction are freakin' insane. I was bad today and ate some of the raisin bran I had left. Yes, it's pretty high in potassium, but not enough in one bowl to kill me before my next dialysis appointment. Plus, now it's gonna, so, win - win.

Midnight
Spent the afternoon with Marissa. We paid our rent and went out to visit my mother, oldest daughter and granddaughter. While that sounds nice, I always end up eating a bunch of junk when I visit my mom. Today was no exception. I likely have too much potassium in my system again. Fortunately, I have dialysis tomorrow morning.

I'm back on schedule with my DDPYoga. Tonight was Stand Strong 4. I know it's not a tough workout, but it felt tough tonight. I blame that on the fact that I'm still recovering from my hospital stay, and the fact that my knee still hurts from the fall... but I did it. This is the very essence of what I'm talking about in Ut Tergum Sursum. Every time you fall, you get back up. Period.

The Art of Crashing and Burning

This is my first blog entry done exclusively on a tablet, so please, bare with me.

Yesterday morning, a few hours after doing Stand Stong 1, the muscle weakness returned with a vengeance. As I tried to get ready for my trip to Washington for dialysis, I fell and scared the hell out of poor Daisy... I fell on her kennel. After managing to get back up, I continued to gather my supplies (headphones, hat, blanket, etc.) When the worst happened.

My legs simply stopped working.

As I fell backward, my knee bent at an unnatural angle, and I landed on my back, hitting my head pretty hard on the floor. As I lay there, panicking,  I realized my phone was across the room, so I shouted for Alexa to call 911. Apparently,this is not a function Alexa has, so I asked her to call Marissa. When the call connected, I told my wife that I had fallen, could not get up, and asked her to call 911 for me. After she hung up, I managed to claw my way across the room to my phone then started scooting back towards the couch. Just as I reached it, my front door burst open. It was my wife. She'd left work when I called and beat the EMTS to our house. She then proceeded to pick me up off the floor and deposit me on the couch, much to my surprise. I had no idea my wife was that strong.

Anyway, the ambulance arrived shortly there after, and the EMTS loaded me onto a gurney and took me to St. Joseph West for dialysis and testing to figure out why I suddenly couldn't walk. My wife showed up at the hospital shortly after my blood was drawn. It turns out, my potassium levels were insanely high. Near lethal. I had been drinking these dietary suppliments, which had much more potassium in them than I thought, and being in end-stage renal failure, my body cannot process it on it's own.

So, basically I almost died because I was stupid.

So, they ran me through a dialysis session, a breathing treatment,and a few other procedures to get my potassium back to normal, which gave me back the use of my legs. I expected to be released when they return to normal, but it turn out that my INR was very low, so they wanted to keep me an extra night to get that under control... so much for DDPYoga tonight.

Other Hospital Nightmares: I ordered dinner at 5:30, just as Marissa and Tamera were leaving. Shortly after that,the dietary computers all crashed and my dinner disappeared into the ether.after raising a lot of hell with various nurses, I finally got food. Not what I ordered, but food.

At 10:30pm.

The only thing worse than hospital food is late, cold hospital food.

Other than that, the nurses have been very nice and attentive. Still, I'll be glad to go home tomorrow after my dialysis session. I miss my wife. I miss my kids. I miss my dog. I even miss my wife's stupid ass cats.

Status Report

Yesterday was suppose to have been my first time doing the Synergy 40 workout. My longest and most difficult workout so far. I was having some anxiety about doing it... So my body defended itself the only way it knew how.

I got VIOLENTLY ill.

Vomiting, diarrhea , fever, muscle weakness, difficulty walking, the whole nine yards.

The illness lasted into do, but I am feeling closer to normal. I'll call it 75%. My equilibrium is back, which is the thing I was really worried about. How I'm feeling around 11pm is what's going to determine if I get back on schedule or not. It's just Stand Strong 1, so, if worst comes to worse, I do it with limited engagement.

As far as my diet goes, I barely ate yesterday, for obvious reasons. Today, I did good except for dinner. We had taken Daisy to her first obedience class (puppy kindergarten) which is near Hardee's. No dessert, but dinner itself was a Mushroom Swiss Thickburger with curly fries and a diet Dr. Pepper to drink.

8 cigarettes yesterday. None today.

I'm can't call any of this progress. More of a status report. Not dead yet.

Update: 11:05pm
I managed to coax myself onto the mat for Stand Strong 1 and am now officially back on schedule. Thighs are a little sore, but not in a bad way. Gonna have a V8 and listen to podcasts until I can sleep... or the dog needs to go out, whichever happens first.

Get Back Up: And Introductory Entry

Life knocks you down. The trick is to get back up every time. Some recoveries are slower than others. With that being said,

Hi.

As most of you already know, My name is John Gabel. Nobody actually ever calls me that. "Jack" is what my family called me growing up and it's what I've gone by my entire life. It seems to fit me. I'm happily married to Marissa, who is pretty much the person most directly responsible for keeping my sick ass alive. The woman is an absolute Saint, but I can tell she's starting to get a little jaded by the various illnesses. I guess your husband can on almost die so many time before you completely loose your panic reflex. The past decade of medical issues has turned my wife into the person you want standing next to you in any given crisis. It's actually pretty spectacular to watch. Between us, we have 4 kids, ranging in age from 25 to 18, and we have 1 grand daughter.

"Medical issues?" Yes... Oh yes.

For starters, a little background. I spent my 20s and early 30s treating my body like a landfill. I'd eat nothing but junk food and did pretty much every drug known to man at one point or another. All this lead to the following:

• High Blood Pressure
• Type 2 Diabetes (Advanced, with nerve damage and various other issues.)
• High cholesterol 
• a heart attack, resulting in a metal heart valve.
• Renal Failure
• Depression
• Restless Leg Syndrome
• Insomnia

That's the highlights anyway. There's more. And they are not the end of the story by any stretch of the imagination. 2 years ago, Marissa and I went of the Ketogenic diet. We both lost a bunch of weight.I got down to a 32 waist in jeans... and I also cured my type 2 diabetes. Yes, you read that right. After a long break from sugar and carbs, my pancreas decided to behave itself. We stayed on Keto for about a year. We fall off the wagon on a road trip, so so often happens to people keeping diets. Road food is bad for you. Very very bad. Once we fell off the Keto, we fell hard. We also started smoking again. Oddly enough, it was also during this "off the wagon" period when I started doing DDPYoga.

Anyway, that's a bit of a general overview, and brings us to today. I had dialysis this morning. Slept on and off during the process. Any dialysis patient will tell you it's better to sleep through it. We I got home, Marissa was at work, and I remembered with horror that we had set today as our quit date.

I had no cigarettes.

Thank God for my handy-dandy e-cig. Marissa eventually got home from work, and I discussed getting back on Keto. I felt better when were were keto. I wasn't as sick, and I healed a hell of a lot faster. It's gonna require some extensive grocery shopping and a lot harder work meal-wise on our part. I'm not sure if Marissa is completely on board with this, and I wouldn't blame her if she wasn't. But I need this. and this is also part of why I'm doing this blog. Accountability.  If I make my log of exercises and and dieting public, I'm much more likely to catch myself when I start to slip.

The potential for shame is a powerful motivator.

That's it until at least after I do Synergy 40 today. In the mean time, here's a picture of Baby Yoda, just because.