Mental Health Will Drive You Mad

Tonight's DDPYoga session was as weird as it was unscheduled. When I opened the app, the damn thing would not sync up with my heart monitor, despite it being brand new and working like a charm ever other time I've used it. So, after futzing with that for about 10 minutes, I said "fuck it" and did a custom workout without the monitor. It went fine. I mostly worked on my plank and lunges. I still have a lot of balance problems with my lunges. It's partially because I have fucked up feet (missing bones and suchlike) but I'm getting better. Like Arthur Boorman said in his video, "Just because I can't do it today, doesn't mean I won't be able to do it someday."

After about 12 minutes of freestyle, it occurred to me that I hadn't restarted my tablet for a bit. So I shut the custom exercise time down and restarted. And, wouldn't ya know it? Theheart monitor synced right up this time. Crap. Oh well... Fat Burner 2.0 here I come!

Not as grueling as it was yesterday, but that is still a tough ass workout for me. Lots of sweating. Lots of swearing. Lot of me yelling, "damn it Dallas! Shut the fuck up and count!" Still, a lot of fun. Thoroughly enjoyable. Felt great when I was done.

After that, it was time for a little mental maintenance. Marissa had to go to bed early. She not only works in the morning but clocks move forward an hour tonight. In fact, mine updated 11 minutes ago while I was typing this. Anyway, with her asleep there wasn't a lot I could do to tighten the mental bolts... talking to my wife has always been like that. I opted for the next best thing, which is a downloaded podcast and a drive in the dark on roads nobody uses at night.

Very cathartic... and no deer this time.

The brain desperately needed to be cleared and the files dumped. It was a dialysis day, which never helps,  and though I slept solidly though the proceedure, when I woke up, all my demons were out playing. All of my worries were making mental appearances like it was fucking roll-call. I worried about my phosphorous and potassium intakes and how I was going to get those under control. I worried about money, and the impending phone call of doom I have coming on Wednesday. I worried about the ultrasound appointment I have for my vascular access on Friday. My mind was being a parade of bad shit all the was home from dialysis. Right up until I saw my wife.

I've never known why, but no matter how bad things are, I can just look at her and listen to the sound of her voice, and it all just goes away. It's like she hits a switch in my brain that's makes it say "Oh yeah. Everything is gonna be all right because she loves me and she's mine." She is my rock. She is my home. She is my weighted blanket. She gives me comfort no matter how dark the times. My missing puzzle piece.

Eventually, my rock went to bed, and my demons woke back up. The DDPYoga helps with that. The drive helped even more. As I write this last line, j7st know that I feel better and am solidly back in the 90%

"Life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% how you react to it." -Diamond Dallas Page.

Report from the Front

It's been a while, dear readers. This is because there hasn't been much to report. My diet is slowly getting better and is about to completely stablize after tonight's "Come To Jesus, He's in the fridge" talk the wife and I had tonight. Things will get better. My wife is a great woman, and together, we are unstoppable and we're gonna own it.

Exercise-wise, again, not much to report. Beginner DDPYoga is pretty boring for the first 3 weeks. Energy 2.0 as far as the eye can see. I've only taken 2 days off in the last 3 weeks and I can really feel myself getting stronger. The workouts are getting easier and easier... well, until yesterday when I hit Fat Burner 2.0. Did NOT see that coming and it kicked my ass, but I did it. Going to do it again tonight even though it's a scheduled day off. In fact, I'm gonna go do that now. More later... I feel a mental health post coming on.