Blogging for bloggings sake

Well, obviously the idea of me doing  a blog entry every day has fallen by the wayside. Hell, some days, the idea of me being awake every day has fallen by the wayside, but I degress. I'm going to attempt to do these more often. Not as a mental exercise or anything. I'm just lazy. The more often I blog, the less I have to type in one sitting. 

Brief update on how I've been doing: Still trying desprately to watch my diet. Some days I am more successful than others. This is no surprise, really. What is a bit surprising for me is that I am still doing my DDPYoga exercises almost every day. Not every day, but more than the recommended 3x a week. In my case it's usually closer to 5 times per week. Very few two-a-days though, I just don't have that kind of energy. Yet.

Healthwise.... Good Lord, where to start. I've been alarmingly close to death like 4 or 5 times since my last entry. Several overnight hospital stays. Several instances of emergency dialysis. It's been a mess. But, it looks like we've finally nailed down the root problem. It turns outr my own stupidity was killing me. See I have been dieting a working out, but not losing any weight, but since I wasn't dieting and exercising FOR weight-loss, I didn't pay any attention to it. As it turns out, the weight was indeed coming off, but being immediately replaced by excess water. But at weigh in time before dialysis, weight is just weight and, fat or water, it all weighs the same so no one, including myself, noticed... At least, not until said water started building up in my lungs and around my heart.

Long story short, we have it under control now, nominally. I'm having my dry-weight challenged every time I go to dialysis until I start cramping severely again. At that point, I'll know I've hit my actual dry-weigh. Current projections are 185 pounds. Or 84 kilos. I have seriously never weighed so little in my life. It's a little scary, but knowing what I know now, the Standard American Diet (tm) is WAY scarier. Plus, now that a lot of my inflammation is coming down, I hurt less. I dont want to go back.

I'd like to take a moment here to offer a sincere apology to my friends. If you're reading this, you know who you are. The health issues and such have turned me into even more of a hermit than I was. I'll try to do better about keeping in touch. I may even start visiting, wherever I'm still welcome. *insert standard issue cheesey grin here.*

On the home front, with the exception of my health issues and my wife falling apart at the seams, things have been pretty calm. She works too damn much and isn't recovering properly, as  most of us dont at our age. I just wish I could find some way to help other than robbing a bank or committing fraud on a massive scale.

This is Tamera's senior year... and easily the strangest school year I've ever seen in my life. I haven't been called into the office so far, but alas, the year is young and I know my daughter. Shoes are expected to start dropping away moment now. 

So that's my update. I'll report in again soon... maybe even with something to report. Oh, and check out the song I posted with this entry. Really got my blood pumping. (Only viewable in the web version, so click the link.) Until next time.

Once More with Feeling...

So, I fell off the DDPY Wagon a few weeks ago. I had gotten a cellulitis infection in my left foot which kept me from putting too much weight on it at a time... and I needed a bullshit excuse to fucking off anyway. So, today was my first day back on a regular schedule. It's amazing how much you forget in 3 weeks. I did Energy 2.0, which I've done a dozen time... and still that standing split caught me off guard. I did it though. Had to modify during the supported lunge, but I've always had to do that. I'm just not there yet, and the 3 weeks off decidedly did not help matters.

I'm more than a little ashamed of myself for the falling out of practice (And the shitty diet, but I'll get to that.) But, hey... falls are expected to happen. Hence the name of this blog. It's all about getting back up.

I restarted my cycle today, which was a bit of a mistake as I am having major surgery on my right arm on Friday. I'm going to see about doing some seriously heavily modifidied workouts while I'm healing. HEAVILY  modified. Last thing I need is to pop a stitch on a new graft.

As far as this COVID-19 quarentine goes, I'm just going to say this, dear reader: Check on your friends prone to depression. We aren't ok. Not by a damn sight.

Mental Health Will Drive You Mad

Tonight's DDPYoga session was as weird as it was unscheduled. When I opened the app, the damn thing would not sync up with my heart monitor, despite it being brand new and working like a charm ever other time I've used it. So, after futzing with that for about 10 minutes, I said "fuck it" and did a custom workout without the monitor. It went fine. I mostly worked on my plank and lunges. I still have a lot of balance problems with my lunges. It's partially because I have fucked up feet (missing bones and suchlike) but I'm getting better. Like Arthur Boorman said in his video, "Just because I can't do it today, doesn't mean I won't be able to do it someday."

After about 12 minutes of freestyle, it occurred to me that I hadn't restarted my tablet for a bit. So I shut the custom exercise time down and restarted. And, wouldn't ya know it? Theheart monitor synced right up this time. Crap. Oh well... Fat Burner 2.0 here I come!

Not as grueling as it was yesterday, but that is still a tough ass workout for me. Lots of sweating. Lots of swearing. Lot of me yelling, "damn it Dallas! Shut the fuck up and count!" Still, a lot of fun. Thoroughly enjoyable. Felt great when I was done.

After that, it was time for a little mental maintenance. Marissa had to go to bed early. She not only works in the morning but clocks move forward an hour tonight. In fact, mine updated 11 minutes ago while I was typing this. Anyway, with her asleep there wasn't a lot I could do to tighten the mental bolts... talking to my wife has always been like that. I opted for the next best thing, which is a downloaded podcast and a drive in the dark on roads nobody uses at night.

Very cathartic... and no deer this time.

The brain desperately needed to be cleared and the files dumped. It was a dialysis day, which never helps,  and though I slept solidly though the proceedure, when I woke up, all my demons were out playing. All of my worries were making mental appearances like it was fucking roll-call. I worried about my phosphorous and potassium intakes and how I was going to get those under control. I worried about money, and the impending phone call of doom I have coming on Wednesday. I worried about the ultrasound appointment I have for my vascular access on Friday. My mind was being a parade of bad shit all the was home from dialysis. Right up until I saw my wife.

I've never known why, but no matter how bad things are, I can just look at her and listen to the sound of her voice, and it all just goes away. It's like she hits a switch in my brain that's makes it say "Oh yeah. Everything is gonna be all right because she loves me and she's mine." She is my rock. She is my home. She is my weighted blanket. She gives me comfort no matter how dark the times. My missing puzzle piece.

Eventually, my rock went to bed, and my demons woke back up. The DDPYoga helps with that. The drive helped even more. As I write this last line, j7st know that I feel better and am solidly back in the 90%

"Life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% how you react to it." -Diamond Dallas Page.

Report from the Front

It's been a while, dear readers. This is because there hasn't been much to report. My diet is slowly getting better and is about to completely stablize after tonight's "Come To Jesus, He's in the fridge" talk the wife and I had tonight. Things will get better. My wife is a great woman, and together, we are unstoppable and we're gonna own it.

Exercise-wise, again, not much to report. Beginner DDPYoga is pretty boring for the first 3 weeks. Energy 2.0 as far as the eye can see. I've only taken 2 days off in the last 3 weeks and I can really feel myself getting stronger. The workouts are getting easier and easier... well, until yesterday when I hit Fat Burner 2.0. Did NOT see that coming and it kicked my ass, but I did it. Going to do it again tonight even though it's a scheduled day off. In fact, I'm gonna go do that now. More later... I feel a mental health post coming on.

Hard-Wired... or is it Hard-Weird?

I had to brow-beat myself onto the mat tonight. It was just Energy 2.0, but It still took me 45 minutes of pacing in the fitness room and 4 or 5 Motivational Monday videos to get me there. I did eventually get there, and I did the whole workout with very little in the way of modification (except for Lunges. I still end up having to take a knee half the time.) So, at least something good and productive happened today. Other than, my day was... ugh.

For starters, I had an appointment with my foot surgeon today. The callus he too off of my left for was pretty big. About the size of a cross-section of a golf ball. So, yeah, ow. The good news here is that I got to spend some time with Marissa, which I always enjoy. The bad news came later when we went grocery shopping later...

Here's where our problem lays. My wife love me too much to really deny me anything I ask for, That's a problem when I'm grocery shopping and hungry. Our shopping cart looked like it had been filled by al 11 year old with a hundred dollar bill. It was terrible.

Result: Diet was absolute shit today. I mean, really bad. Like, "I'm Little Debbie's little bitch" kinda bad.

At least I made it onto the mat. I did my workout. It's done. There's always tomorrow to do better on the diet. I just wasn't there today. Tht doesn't mean I won't be there tomorrow. 

Oh! One really cool thing. Shout out to my buddy Justin, who I ran into today. He told me he's been reading this blog. It's nice to know I'm not just talking to myself. Thanks Brother!

And the Beat Goes On, Dum-dee-dum-da-dum

I haven't had much to blog about lately. That's kind of a good thing. I've settled into a routine with my workouts for the last few week. Days off are few and far between. One thing to kind of toot my own horn about... I've started the Beginner workouts in DDPY. That means I'm no longer in the Rebuild series. I'm still having to modify my positions a bit, especially in the lunges, but I am definitely feeling the difference in my workouts. Even Stand Split has gotten easier. I need to look for some different workouts to do. The first few weeks of Beginner are pretty monotonous ...

Energy 2.0 as far as the eye can see.

There is one good thing about that. I've done the same workout times this week, and it gets a little easier every time. I'm even adding a handful of positions at the end, just for the hell of it. My next step is to set new goals for myself.

In other news, Happy Valentine's Day! We didn't really do anything for the holiday... we're too poor. Marissa got me a little gift bag with a bunch of sugar-free candies and a couple of frappacinos. I gave her a promise to get her a weighted blanket when we get paid. Why she puts up with me, I may never know. We did get a little peace and quiet after dinner though. Tamera went with a group of her friends to see Sonic The Hedgehog... A movie I can only muster a bit of morbid curiosity about. I'm just kinda curious about Jim Carrey's performance as Dr. Robotnik.

Confessions of a Grumpy Old Yogi or Namaste The Hell Off My Lawn

Today is the last day of my most recent 13 week cycle in DDPYoga and also my last day on Rebuild. A lot of progress has been made. None of it scale-related. It's all about the strength and flexibility with me, See, I started out doing Keto a year before I started DDPY. Lost a ton of weight. Got down to pretty much what I consider to be an idea weight for me (195 lbs.) The problem was that once the weight was off, I realized I had the muscles structure of a one-year old and that needed to change.

As far as research goes, there wasn't a lot of it. I was on Youtube, and I think what I typed into the search engine was "Exercises for people in particularly shitty condition" What came up? I'll give you 3 guesses, but you're only gonna need one.



Yes, that's Arthur Boorman. The Baltimore City Special Ed teacher who's video (edited by Steve Wu) has inspired millions. If you haven't seen this video before, click it, dumby! It'll be the best 5 minutes you spend all day. Trust me.
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I've Ben at this, on and off for over a years. Never have managed to get my diet under control again, but with as many restrictions as I already had on my diet (salt, phosphates, potassium, electrolytes, etc.) I'm still working on it and I'm getting there, with a bit of help from y wife.

The biggest change I have noticed in the last year is mu attitude. DDP does the whole "Own Your Life," "Be Positively Unstoppable," "Live life at 90% thing and I have applied a lot of these philosophies to y life. The guy is a real inspiration. I don't fly off the handle the way I used to. I actually look forward to my workouts every day... but tonight in the moment of truth. I'll be doing Synergy 40 around 7:30 or 8:00pm tonight, then later, at Midnight. The 13 year changeover happens and I will, for the first time, be progressing out of the Rebuild Series and Starting Beginner Beginner.

Am I nervous? Yes, Am I scare. More than a little.

Can I do This? Yes. Fuck yes I can!

 Time to own it.